I have decided to go inactive. For my non Mormon contemporaries that means essentially I've decided to leave the church aka not be a Mormon. I'm not having my name removed from the rolls or anything dramatic like that. "What to do about church" has been an up hill struggle for nearly a year. I've made no secret of my dislike for most of Mormon Culture and in the end it all came down to White Button Downs.
Let's get one thing out in the open before we head down this un returnable path: When it comes to clothing I can be well... a bit shallow. I love "nice" clothing. Unfortunately most of what I'd give my right arm to own I'd have to pay for with exactly that because I cannot afford most of the duds that make me gaga and they do make me gaga. "Expensive" clothing has all the right little stitches and small details that, while You most likely couldn't pin point, do create an overall refined image. It's specific fabrics and fitted styles you can't just pick up off the rack. mmmm... BUT the one thing I will not and cannot tolerate is fashion snobbery or elitism. Clothing is something I like - I like lots of things - I don't expect other people to stare longingly at a pair of special collection boots at nordstroms...Or even to know what they are.
I am a huge promoter of dress for the job you want and Heavenly Father has endowed me with david copperfield like skills to tun a near empty pocketbook into something wonderful. The same research skills I utilize for school I utilize for shopping. The last outfit I purchased, navy pin strip dress pants and matching vest, went for well over $600 (on a scale of $ clothing this barley qualifies) But I got it and paid about what anyone would pay for something off the rack at the mall. I encourage people who are interviewing for jobs, going to conferences, visiting schools etc to fallow my lead - I also show them the tricks of the trade and have loaned out and or given away suites, gowns, and every day clothing. But church should not be a place to be seen or interviewed/judged worthy but a place of acceptance and community.
The White Button Down conflict all started when a talk was given at church on the importance of dress, clean shaven faces, and cleanliness. The Bishop had specifically asked it to be given But I did not feel it was appropriate at all. Actually I would say politics from the pulpit are more appropriate than fashion. Men should wear clean starched white buttons downs and ties preferably a suite. Boys should be in dress shirts, dress pants and dress shoes, older boys a tie. As for women's clothing - I like Skirts... but I don't understand why we can't wear pants... I mean wouldn't that be the ultimate in modesty? Why do men have to wear short hair and clean faces? A white button down - is that really a symbol of one's purity? I think shaggy hair can be cute & on the right guy a goat-ts got some adventure to it. But the fashion angle isn't what has me bothered by this bit of Mormon Culture it is something far greater, I really like White Button Downs BTW.
As the talk began - rows up a single mom, a convert, shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I felt bad for her. Things are tight in her house and she does a good job with what she has, she doesn't need one more thing added to her plate. Her coming to church is good enough. She has two little boys. Sometimes they wear dress pants - sometimes they wear clean jeans and polo's and there best tennis shoes. I would never wear jeans to church, crap I don't even want to wear them to school - but I understand that sometimes people have to make choices between providing the essentials for themselves and/or children and getting the extras like one day a week clothing or new "holiday" clothing and shoes. I don't think those people should be made to feel publicly uncomfortable regardless of there reasons for doing so. Some people just don't like wearing certain styles of clothing and what is wrong with that?
Let's get one thing out in the open before we head down this un returnable path: When it comes to clothing I can be well... a bit shallow. I love "nice" clothing. Unfortunately most of what I'd give my right arm to own I'd have to pay for with exactly that because I cannot afford most of the duds that make me gaga and they do make me gaga. "Expensive" clothing has all the right little stitches and small details that, while You most likely couldn't pin point, do create an overall refined image. It's specific fabrics and fitted styles you can't just pick up off the rack. mmmm... BUT the one thing I will not and cannot tolerate is fashion snobbery or elitism. Clothing is something I like - I like lots of things - I don't expect other people to stare longingly at a pair of special collection boots at nordstroms...Or even to know what they are.
I am a huge promoter of dress for the job you want and Heavenly Father has endowed me with david copperfield like skills to tun a near empty pocketbook into something wonderful. The same research skills I utilize for school I utilize for shopping. The last outfit I purchased, navy pin strip dress pants and matching vest, went for well over $600 (on a scale of $ clothing this barley qualifies) But I got it and paid about what anyone would pay for something off the rack at the mall. I encourage people who are interviewing for jobs, going to conferences, visiting schools etc to fallow my lead - I also show them the tricks of the trade and have loaned out and or given away suites, gowns, and every day clothing. But church should not be a place to be seen or interviewed/judged worthy but a place of acceptance and community.
The White Button Down conflict all started when a talk was given at church on the importance of dress, clean shaven faces, and cleanliness. The Bishop had specifically asked it to be given But I did not feel it was appropriate at all. Actually I would say politics from the pulpit are more appropriate than fashion. Men should wear clean starched white buttons downs and ties preferably a suite. Boys should be in dress shirts, dress pants and dress shoes, older boys a tie. As for women's clothing - I like Skirts... but I don't understand why we can't wear pants... I mean wouldn't that be the ultimate in modesty? Why do men have to wear short hair and clean faces? A white button down - is that really a symbol of one's purity? I think shaggy hair can be cute & on the right guy a goat-ts got some adventure to it. But the fashion angle isn't what has me bothered by this bit of Mormon Culture it is something far greater, I really like White Button Downs BTW.
As the talk began - rows up a single mom, a convert, shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I felt bad for her. Things are tight in her house and she does a good job with what she has, she doesn't need one more thing added to her plate. Her coming to church is good enough. She has two little boys. Sometimes they wear dress pants - sometimes they wear clean jeans and polo's and there best tennis shoes. I would never wear jeans to church, crap I don't even want to wear them to school - but I understand that sometimes people have to make choices between providing the essentials for themselves and/or children and getting the extras like one day a week clothing or new "holiday" clothing and shoes. I don't think those people should be made to feel publicly uncomfortable regardless of there reasons for doing so. Some people just don't like wearing certain styles of clothing and what is wrong with that?
I also think it is absoutly ridicuoulse that Heavenly Father tends to choose men who wear suites to church to fullfill higher level callings?! And yet in many wards men who dress the part get those callings - this means only men who can afford a suite and are the type to wear them willingly will be in the pool. Why on earth would anyone want the same rules that apply at work to apply at church? Church is supposed to be Diffrent.
Apperance is personal preference and what about culture? What a lose it would be as the worlds fastest growing religion to have white button downs snuff out the vibrant colors and symbolic/historical imagrey found in the clothing of many nonwestern countries! And yet so often world wide the baptism of a new member is followed by the adoption of the standard white cotton button down. Why should the world conform to some silly Utah standard? Are the people in 3rd world countries less goddly because of their lack of hygeinie, the result of a lack of clean water, or the impracticality and costly nature of a white button down?
We send missionaries out and it is no secret most of the people who convert are from the lower class - we give them a taste of the "good life" - we encourage them to take the big dunk and join our wards... in many cases they lose whole lives in the process of becoming Mormons. They lose Friends, they watch as families turn their backs on them. They are often publicly ridiculed for their choice to become Mormons. There entire lives are turned around and sometimes upside down for the church and,while there is NOTHING in Mormon theology that suggests a dress code,we then also force Mormon fashion culture on them. If you think there isn't a judgment being passed or that people don't feel on the fringes - your wrong. I belive this cultural requirment goes against everything Christ stood for. Was he hanging out with robbers and whores and telling them ... "well first you need a hair cut, a good shave, a pair of dockers and a nice white button down"? or was he saying "live a good life and just love your neighbor"?
You want to preach modesty - fine... but white button downs - that's a line drown in the stand between you and them. Fashion should not be a part of Sunday talks, conferences, or ensign/friends articles. No way I want to be a part of that. I know your thinking... well it isn't like they are being asked to leave, people in jeans are welcome in the church... No they aren't - not when people are giving talks about it. Not when children are asking other children in primary why they are wearing tennis shoes. In this clothing has become a tool of exclusion and church should NEVER be a place of exclusion, especially not such a shallow one. I am not saying that this is everyone - I know more people than not who could care less what other people are wearing - but recently I've come to learn that outside of my own/old ward it is a much bigger issue. I feel compelled to make a stand against Mormon Culture, especially because I love clothing!
On a side note... I do have to wonder if this engrained bit of what not to wear isn't the same nonsense that has so many of the born LDS student, nonworking, population of the church racking up publicly funded debt on trendy clothing for themselves and their weed growing too good for hand-me down little ones. There is something that isn't just not right - but actually wrong with this sentiment.
I hope this is not a disapointment to anyone - But I wanted to be honest not "hide" my "new life" in another state. It was a hard and complicated decision and one in a few years I may even reverse. I'm going to the Methodist church and I'm taking a lot of Mormon theology and Mormon "rules" with me. I am in the process of making a list of what I believe in and the standard I am going to hold myself to throughout this journey, a kind of solid proclamation of me that will keep my hand firmly around the "Iron Rod". While this decision has nothing to do with theology in a way I guess it does... I don't want to worship Jesus anymore I want to be more like him and while I love my church - I think sometimes the culture gets in the way of being able to do that.
In my heart and soul I know this to be true.
Always.
Mw/h
You want to preach modesty - fine... but white button downs - that's a line drown in the stand between you and them. Fashion should not be a part of Sunday talks, conferences, or ensign/friends articles. No way I want to be a part of that. I know your thinking... well it isn't like they are being asked to leave, people in jeans are welcome in the church... No they aren't - not when people are giving talks about it. Not when children are asking other children in primary why they are wearing tennis shoes. In this clothing has become a tool of exclusion and church should NEVER be a place of exclusion, especially not such a shallow one. I am not saying that this is everyone - I know more people than not who could care less what other people are wearing - but recently I've come to learn that outside of my own/old ward it is a much bigger issue. I feel compelled to make a stand against Mormon Culture, especially because I love clothing!
On a side note... I do have to wonder if this engrained bit of what not to wear isn't the same nonsense that has so many of the born LDS student, nonworking, population of the church racking up publicly funded debt on trendy clothing for themselves and their weed growing too good for hand-me down little ones. There is something that isn't just not right - but actually wrong with this sentiment.
I hope this is not a disapointment to anyone - But I wanted to be honest not "hide" my "new life" in another state. It was a hard and complicated decision and one in a few years I may even reverse. I'm going to the Methodist church and I'm taking a lot of Mormon theology and Mormon "rules" with me. I am in the process of making a list of what I believe in and the standard I am going to hold myself to throughout this journey, a kind of solid proclamation of me that will keep my hand firmly around the "Iron Rod". While this decision has nothing to do with theology in a way I guess it does... I don't want to worship Jesus anymore I want to be more like him and while I love my church - I think sometimes the culture gets in the way of being able to do that.
In my heart and soul I know this to be true.
Always.
Mw/h
